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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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I slide down the side of the building, and I’m in the thick of it. Smoke everywhere. I can’t see a thing. I’m coughing like a chain smoker. But then, I hear a scream. My heart drops. I rush towards the sound, and there’s this little girl trapped inside. She’s scared, crying her eyes out. I’m like, “Not on my watch!” I scoop her up, and we bolt outta there. I swear, I’ve never felt so relieved in my life.

Mobile anti-violence team in Mykolaiv region receives transport from Denmark